A confronting business...

Henry Nouwen's words seemed to jump off the page at me when I read them and, a week later, they still seem like the best words to describe summer vacation thus far: "Christianity is about confrontation..."

The Lutheran side of me must ask "what does this mean?" :)

Confronting in love and confronting in judgment and condemnation sometimes feel so similar to the one being confronted. Confrontation is painful, icky, and...necessary. There were lots of confrontational moments this last week, and I'm going to document a few:

I went to Tokyo and met some of my friends who are part of a Japanese street band. It's been a little over a year since I've seen any of them, but it seemed strangely familiar and "normal." When the band finished playing, my friend who sings and plays guitar hung out for awhile to chat, and a group of us ended up on the topic of life and faith. My friend keeps insisting that he can find himself by himself--that he can be on his own terms with God and the world. My heart hurts at his very apparent exhaustion and the hopelessness of his hope. Will he someday relinquish his own terms and find peace? I hate confronting him on it--he is always so kind to me. But if I don't confront him, am I just leaving him to the fate of those who seek to bargain with the Almighty without faith?

Another confrontation:
I met with four other girls from around Japan for a 3ish-day prayer/hangout/reunion time. We had all served together in the VYM program at one point, and although we are all in different places now, we are still a little like family. It was so good to see these dear girls again--but, as another summed it up, "it was not always fun." :) When we get together, there is usually tears and yells mixed in with the laughter and the joy, because we question each others' choices, "check up" on our life goals and how we've seen God's guidance, etc. I confess that I'm still trying to figure this all out. Do we have the right and ability to confront each other? Why? How? Sometimes I wonder if the end result is more pain and guilt than good. But my closeness to these girls is directly related to the love we try to show each other by checking up on each other.

Confrontational episode number 3:
I confess that worship in Japan often leads me to rant. It frustrates me that we use instruments we can't play to play hymns we can't sing with words we can't understand to a God we might not know. Does that sound too negative? Yes, even I think so. But some of it rings true. What do I do with that? I'm a foreigner--even if I could speak Japanese perfectly, I don't know enough of Japanese culture to understand how to help make worship meaningful and different from the other religions. It reminds me so much of snippets from Anthropological Insights for Missions (kudos to Dr. B), which reminded me all of last year that my confronting of a church in another culture can have nasty results. I don't even know how to bring law and gospel to myself, let alone another culture...(These are the moments when I wish I'd been a doctor, or when I pray heartily for more English students and less "church work" opportunities.) I may be simply running scared--but I can correct someone's English grammar. Can I really confront them on their faith life? How? Why?

Final examples of confrontation:
We partner with another church here. The people are amazing--so loving and helpful! But I feel them looking at me with that "Gee, you're sure a weird church worker" expression on their faces. I can't fully participate with them in prayer and worship because of language. I wear makeup. I don't like being at church all the time. I am often more interested in what God is doing inside me instead of around the world. And I...sometimes put sugar in my coffee? (No, that's just a real but in this case ridiculous example of feeling judged for an action.) I don't know. All I know is that believers all ahve ideas of what it means to be a "good" believer. And it's important, because we don't want church and faith to translate into attending an hour of worship once a week. There is more than that. But where do we confront, knowing that every single Christian is probably looking at and judging us in the same way that we are looking at them? And who's viewpoint should be honored? What expectations can be set aside? Which ones should motivate?

Oy. These are the moments when I try to remember my friend Brian's way of proving that truth exists, so I don't just throw it all out the window. Or I mostly sit and think, "God, how am I supposed to do this again?" :)

Confrontation...well, these are at least some beginning questions.