An Important Prayer

Today I was cleaning out some of my boxes that have been stored in our basement, and I ran across a box I made after coming back from Japan a year ago. Being a person who processes best by writing, I have a ridiculous amount of journals, notebooks, scraps of paper, etc., and I spent some time going through the box of notebooks to see what I should keep and what could be thrown away or saved for future thoughts. :)

One page of a notebook held words to a song that Megumi, a girl I met at Nozomi Church, wrote. She asked me to help her with the words in English, and this is what we kind of came up with (mostly her--which is amazing in a second language!):

When I knew there was no love in me,
I bowed down before you.
Then I admitted that I had no love,
And I appealed to you.
Now I come before you and appeal to your mercy:

I want your love--your love, it covers all things,
And your love it covers all sin,
Please fill me with that love.
I want your love--please touch my heart so I can see,
And cleanse me from iniquity,
Let your love cover me.

Give me a heart that holds close all the people,
With love to give and help to grow them up,
How you designed them and made them to be,
I want to be an instrument of love--please guide me!
Now I come before you and appeal to your mercy...

The words and melody of the song are pretty simple. Nothing that would be raved about by any serious musician...but the song blessed me because of the importance of its prayer.

Since coming back to the States, a common prayer that I have prayed has actually been something like, "God, PLEASE help me not to love anyone..." Somehow leaving Japan has made me adopt the rule of the jedi order (see Star Wars for more details :)) that says "Attachment is forbidden..." I'm not even talking about marriage--just love and care for people in general becomes frightening when one realizes the frailty of life. My love is ridiculous and frightening. It either does not exist or it clings too tightly...

HOWEVER...(and I'm putting this in caps because this is the important part)

God's love is perfect. It is everything in 1 Corinthians 13 and more...everything that my family and friends here in America need, everything that the people in Fukushima need. And it is God's, free for the asking, given through the Holy Spirit... When I look at it in this clarity of comparison between my love and God's love, my own fears of attachment, un-attachment, connections in Fukushima in the future, and more all seem to lead to one obvious direction--Megumi's prayer/song asking for love.

The truth is that I can't do it. I could never do it. But God can--and he promises to give gifts that enable us to serve, to love, to hope, to rejoice...

I was struck by the Megumi's line of "so touch my eyes so I can see" also...it reminded me of the verse from Ps. 27 that I've been reflecting on in the last few days (see last post). God doesn't just give us his love to fill us up...but so that we can see his love work by reaching out to others...and maybe it is the same with joy and goodness and peace...we put them to work in real life, real relationships, real daily struggles so that we can see the blessings that they are, that we truly have been given.

Good lessons to mull over, grow with, and pray about...note to self: keep praying about God's love...