A bus and a decision

Even as I sit here and type this down, it seems like a hard decision: one early bus to catch a flight back to America for my brother's wedding, or staying with my community in Japan in solidarity and support.



I had bought a plane ticket months ago for March 26th, excited about coming back to the States to visit people and celebrate the wedding with family and friends. But with so many people leaving Fukushima and other transportation unavailable, I learned on Friday afternoon (last week) that the most feasible option for me to make the wedding would be to hop on the embassy evacuation bus a week early--because we were within the American evacuation zone and I was an American citizen, I totally fit the requirements for getting a seat in the bus. I wrestled with God about giving me what seemed like hard options (leave Cindy and my Japanese friends alone during this time or miss my family and the wedding), but in the end, surprising even myself, I became part of the group of American evacuees. I wish that I could capture some of their stories...wish that I could sum this up for you all in language that would do it justice. But maybe the best I can share is just some notes I scribbled sitting on the bus pulling away from Sendai and starting the journey to the airport.

March 19th

I have questioned this decision to leave Fukushima so many times in the last 12 hours. A good chunk of me still feels like I am running out on those who I should be helping--leaving Cindy and the Nomura's in the middle of Fukushima City. Who knew that yesterday would involve searching for transportation, searching my heart for pride, and searching for God's answers? And then a random 15-minute packing job, running to be one of the last allowed on the bus to Sendai, 2 hours of searching in cold, dark, unknown and unfriendly streets. Then a surprising homestay with church fellowship, prayer, a shower, food, and water. Running to a morning bus, waiting...waiting...and waiting.

I know God has me in the right place. There have been too many connections already that I should have missed but instead received--catching that first bus, a place to stay for the night, etc.

I'm on an American embassy evacuation bus with other US citizens leaving Fukushima. Most people would say we are all running scared, but after only a few hours with these people, I disagree. They are also among the wounded and hurt--tears and questions and stories all falling, running together out of hearts...American hearts. These people want to leave even less than I do, and the lines for food and water and the many needs maybe smack each of us in the face. I wonder if everyone here on this bus feels the discrepancy of living in two worlds--leaving so many dear people suffering here and heading towards dear, worried people over in the States.

So many tears, and so many stories. People who have survived for days while waiting for tsunami water to go down. People who still don't know where loved ones are. People who don't know where they are going. The man next to me has his Bible open to the book of Psalms, while those behind me softly curse between sobs. Please, Lord--please help.

It was good for me to have 24+ hours with this group of Americans, as we wrestled with the "Why, God?" question together and mourned for Japan. It was also eye-opening--Fukushima City had earthquake damage, but is far from the tsunami damage, and hearing eye-witness accounts of the tsunami made my heart ache for the people there.

And now I'm in Minnesota...typing on a borrowed laptop at my family's kitchen table. Thinking of what this last week has been and meant and of people in Japan and America and "my" evacuated Americans who somehow became very special to me. This is hard.

And I'm glad that God is real, and that prayer works, and that life is more than I can see. I'm glad that in the midst of death and need, I know that God's life-giving victory is already set and established. And isn't this God's grace in the midst of a sinful world that a week with an earthquake and tsunami and radiation questions also holds a wedding and life and new hope for a couple setting out together?

I'll head back to Japan at the same time I was planning to before the earthquake hit. And until that point and after that point, I'll be praying--along with so many of you--for God's life and grace to show brilliantly there.