"Visiting Week"

This week in Japan has held two Japanese holidays, so there have been opportunities to travel and catch up with people who used to be roommates and adopted family. On Monday, I was in Tokyo at a Taize music seminar, which brought people together from congregations all around the Japanese Lutheran Church and several of the missionaries that I know. On Thursday, some students and church members from Shirone, a former teaching site for me, came to visit Fukushima, and we went out to lunch and visited one of the baths high in the mountains. It was lovely to see everyone--lovely, but sad. On Thursday, our two groups separated ways with clumsy hugs that were trying to make up for everything that could not be said in words. What would we have said, if we could have used words? I hope you find the One who loves you. I pray that your hearts would be comforted with God's love and the purpose He has for you. I pray that you would not feel alone. I pray that you have rest from your burdens, healing from your pain...meaning for your life. I pray that you would find the One who is our real Home and Friend and Father.

The verse from Corinthians keeps running through my head: "Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." (1 Cor. 13:12)

Why do we drive hours to go to Tokyo? Why would students from years ago drive hours from Shirone to visit us in Fukushima? Why, in the midst of 8+ location changes and 30+ roommates over the last several years, do I still cling to the idea of home? Because we want to see face to face. Because we want to be known and to know. Because from the beginning of time, we've been made for relationship. We just often don't know it.

Sensei was telling me, on our way to Tokyo, that Japanese culture is not familiar with a relational God. In Japan there is no right or wrong, so there is no need for grace or love. The closest thing they have to sin is ugliness or dirtiness (pictures which are often used in the Bible to depict sin, I know), and so religion is used in the same way a person would use a face-wash: to clean and beautify one's self.

But how different--how wonderful and different--is the Creator-God's interactions with the people He's created! There is sin, dirt, pain, judgment, ugliness...but through all of it, He is still intimately and intricately engaged in the lives of those He's created and loves, offering grace to the repentant and faith to know Him in an even deeper way. He's not just interested in a relationship--He wants a good one!

The Taize music seminar in Tokyo was lovely--there were many, many tears around me, amidst the hours of music and gentle words from the leader. Sometimes I think we forget how many masks and broken relationships we carry--how much face-wash we are trying to use, and how little that is working--until we are met fact-to-face with the presence of our Savior, who sees all. And then we realize our broken relationships, our attempts to hide, and we realize that they are futile. The only real response we can have, maybe, is to drop the masks and cry in both sorrow and gladness.

One woman sang the Taize music this week and did not respond with tears. She is the mother of a church member, and she is also a Christian. She is small and frail, and needs help standing, sitting, and eating...maybe her time in this place will soon be over. When we gathered with Sensei and her family in their home to offer her communion, I was surprised to hear this little old lady's voice raised above all of ours as we sang the simple Taize songs--she was belting them out with joy and contentment. It was one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and I found myself wondering if her responses of joy come from knowing that someday soon she will be able to truly see God "face-to-face" and experience the fullness of that relationship in heaven?

I find myself aching--in envy of her joy, in pain for those around me that do not know yet.

"From protest to praise..."

I confess that I am a great planner of escape routes. Cindy says that it's because I have such an inability to say no to people...maybe that is true...but for whatever the reason, I like to have several options and multiple deadlines in my head, so I can sneak away from anyone I want to sneak away from and excuse myself from any possibly-enmeshing situations. Yes, I am an introvert. :)

Often, however, my plans go way beyond what I want to do for the evening and how I will say goodbye politely to people...I catch myself frequently planning future "escape routes" and dreams about life. These in and of themselves, I think, aren't bad. And sometimes they are simply entertaining--one day I'll be talking about grad school, and the next day I'll be adopting twelve children. Probably the day after that, I'll think about moving to a country where the church is persecuted and becoming a tortured prisoner for the rest of my life. Every day brings a new plan/option/idea--keeps me young. :)

Some of the silly ones or more extreme thoughts pass quickly. Most of them get prayed through and laughed through. However, all of the thoughts and questions and day-dreams boil down to several questions: What is a good life for me? What goals should I have?

Some of the dreams and goals that I most frequently have to offer up to God are the dreams of feeling competent, holding a regular, steady job, having a family and living life in a stable home, etc. And while some weeks that is easy, other weeks it is just...difficult. I haven't been prone to tears recently, but Thursday I definitely cried my eyes out while reading Romans 4--I was being reminded again that I'm called to walk by faith, with my highest goal and desire being the love of my Savior and living in His love.

Today in English Bible study, Cindy was talking about the story of Jacob, Leah, and Rachel, and we were going through the sons of Leah. Leah, if you'll remember, was given to Jacob as his wife through trickery, and Jacob did not love her. The poor girl's thought pattern is shown to us by way of her son's names:

1. Reuben - "...because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now."

2. Simeon - "Because the Lord heard that I am not loved, he gave me this one too."

3. Levi - "Now at last my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons." (Note that she's not even talking about love at this point...just attachment.)

4. Judah - "This time I will praise the Lord."

What's behind the "this time I will praise the Lord," I wonder. Had she just resigned herself to her life? Had she given up on her husband's love, and decided that the favor of God and the love of her sons was enough? Every time I look at her sons' names, I am touched by her turmoil over the goal of her husband's love, and by her final statement of praise. Finally, too, Jesus is born from the line of Judah--from Leah, the unloved wife. It's so interesting how God works...

Along the same lines, I've been listening recently to an older song by Down Here called "Protest to Praise" (the video attached to this link isn't the greatest, but it was one of the only ones I could find on youtube--but I recommend the song!). The message is similar: I don't see God here, in the midst of my questions and impossible, selfish dreams that I continually fight and lay down...but I know that He'll move me from protest to praise...and that through all of my responses and reactions to Him, He'll remain.

Sometimes I feel selfish giving you guys these personal ramblings when I'm supposed to be giving updates about ministry...but the ministry that happens spills out of my own wrestlings, prayers, and relationship with God...so along with the rejoicing, you get the questions, and along with the dancing and laughter, there are the tears and pleas for understanding. And after the tears, there is always the great thankfulness for grace. :) How very true are the lyrics from the song: "From protest to praise, You're always amazing me." So I'm pushing "publish post," hoping that even in the authentic, transparent struggles, God will be pointed out as worthy of praise. :)

Rejoicing in "chance" encounters, part II

So, disregarding the danger of inflicting you all with too much information, I'm just going to sit down and with slightly incoherent, joyful verbosity share how a random encounter with a bus led to a Bible study. Seriously. :)

I was running to school, already 10 minutes later than I wanted to be, inwardly berating myself because I'd forgotten two pieces of information that I was supposed to prepare for one of my students, when I noticed that a brightly-colored bus seemed to be attempting to turn around in the church parking lot. Because of the time, I simply smiled, said good morning to the bus drivers, entered the church, and started setting up for class, thinking, "Good grief! I hope they are really turning around and leaving! This class is going to be hard enough to teach without distractions and no time to finish preparing..."

My thoughts really turned sour when Sensei came running into the classroom and said, "It's a Christian bookstore in the bus! Come see!"

Yes, I confess, my thinking was something like, "God?! Why?!...don't you know there's enough going on, and things I still need to pull together...?"

But I grabbed my books, wrote my outline on the board, made tea, threw the class CD in the machine, and headed outside to check out this bus that seemed to dwarf the church's parking lot. (As a side note, I really had planned the lesson for class the day before...do any other teachers have the problem of always trying to pull more things together before their lessons?)

The bus was cheery, with children's books, Bibles, CDs, DVDs, and other articles with Christian messages. As my students came into class, we all began wandering in and out of the bus, looking at books, necklaces, etc., and chatting.

When we finally did come back into the classroom to start our lesson, we began by looking at what the students bought, and one lady pulled out some forks with an engraving of the 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish on the handles.

"What does this mean?" she asked.

Then commenced a "field trip" to the sanctuary, where a tapestry depicting the 5 loaves and 2 fish was hung, and I told the story of the feeding of the five thousand.

...45 minutes later, we were still talking about the feeding of the five thousand--complete with Bibles out on the table and a short mini-lesson of the contents of the Bible. When we were all discussing what message Jesus was sending by doing the miracle, one student (not a Christian) matter-of-factly stated, "He was showing that He was God." Right...what she said. :) And then we were led into an after-discussion involving faith and life questions, and how we come to have faith.

One of the reasons why I had been so worried about preparing for the class this morning was because the class members involved two people who had been in the class for awhile, two new people, and one person who is moving and was saying goodbye today. Talk about transitions! I had thought for awhile about the class today because the emotions and transitions make learning and relating difficult. I was going to try my best to make class challenging, but cheery, and useful.

But as I sit now, and think back on it, my eyes want to have tears of joy in them, when I think about the gift God gave us during class. His plans are so much better than mine... My student who is leaving is entering a new phase of life with the message, "Jesus is our Provider. There is nothing He can't do." The two new students are entering with questions and new thoughts about God, faith, and questions we can think about together. The rest of us (myself included) were reminded that light discussion does not ease the questions in our hearts.

There are people who insist that the Bible should be kept out of the English classroom, even at the church. But today it was my non-Christian students who kept pulling me back to the passage, hungry for meaning and insight into a world that sheds truth on our existence.

I think we encouraged the drivers of the colored gospel bus when we told them our students' reactions. :) And I am encouraged, as I think of the hunger God places in people to know Him. What do I do? Nothing. :) Make plans that inevitably end up changing, because they are so small compared to God's big plans. :) God truly does seek for individuals...longs to call them by His name for them...and rejoices to hold them in His embrace. So He comes to us daily, every minute, in the "normal" and the "random"...

Yay for colored gospel buses, Jesus. You always have such good, random ideas. :)

Bein' girls...and rejoicing in "chance" encounters

A stop at a bathroom during today's errand excursion left Cindy alone for a few moments. Those of you who know Cindy know that pink and frilly things often catch her eye, and by the time I exited the bathroom, I found Cindy exclaiming joyously over a pink shawl she found in a recycled kimono shop. In just a few moments, the two shopkeepers were digging through discount bins with us, pulling out dazzling red silks and pink kimono jackets. The general upheaval seemed to attract attention, and soon I found myself conversing with a little old lady about everything from music, her relatives, life in Fukushima, etc. Cindy, seeing the red silk, gave an entire discourse on Jesus and the meaning of Christmas. :) We spent a good half hour chatting, enjoying the silk, and discussing "dressing up" with a gathering of ladies who were wandering by and who stopped to enjoy the spectacle two foreigners were making in the kimono shop. :)

We left with a shocking amount of silk for about seven dollars, but our laughter and smiles on the way home were more from the conversations had in the shop than from the good bargains. We were invited to stop by and visit the shop again whenever we were wearing our Japanese attire, and Cindy promised to bring flyers for things happening at church that the ladies could join.

A few weeks ago, when we went wandering, we got into a discussion about who the true God might be with a shopkeeper selling mountain vegetables. Today felt a little bit like that--and I raise my eyebrows up to the sky and grin at some of God's "chance" encounters.

Surely a strange Savior...

I confess that every time I go to Sunday worship, I find myself re-evaluating faith, life, and God's plan for humanity. Maybe it's the liturgy in another language (yes, I know I've talked too much about that in prior posts...), maybe it's the obvious discomfort of those around me...maybe it's the sermon that I struggle understanding...maybe it's the fights and rules and church politics and seemingly obligatory relationships that we somehow have to call "family" relationships because of that one Bible passage about the body of Christ...yeah.

And as I sit here, it dawns on me that there are so many more things about life that make me question everything. So many things that seem illogical, inefficient, painful even...why does God deal with me? Where is He going? What's happening...? Fights with Cindy, questions from Eric, poorly-meshed classes and students, conversations with my pastor about the politics that force him to work for numerical goals instead of spiritual ones....

And then there's the Bible passage from this morning: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Why does God DO that? a part of my heart asks. When I know my God is all-powerful, everlasting, ever-present--indeed, eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God--when I know that He is a God of miracles and salvation, a God with whom all is possible and nothing is impossible, I have to wonder why He uses us. Don't give me the textbook answer--trust me, I know the textbook answer (it's in the passage above)!! This is just an awe-filled heart-cry, to which textbook answers are unhelpful. :)

I don't know how it all comes together in this time and place. Where will I be in two years? What state will Fukushima church be in? What will my relationships look like? Who will be blessed, and how? Yes, I have no idea why and how God uses me. But I know the end of the story, for me, finally, is eternity with my Father-God. Is that just a selfish truth to cling to?

A measure of peace comes through knowing that my Father-God has a knack for strange methods of salvation. I was just listening to "A Strange Way to Save the World" by 4Him, and it was a good reminder that even Jesus' life was just plain...weird. So maybe it's time to take the focus off of my own inabilities, inconsistencies, and lack of knowledge...and put it on my very strange Savior, whose methods make no sense in my mind, but who I know imparts salvation.

Yes, He can do anything--all things are possible. I know that because He offers me salvation. And that's the answer for all of my big-picture planning and small-picture details and confused questions. So there. :)

Explorations in Fukushima

Something that has disappointed me since coming to Fukushima is that it is a car city. In Tokyo, I can walk or hop a train and feel somehow like every square inch of the city is at my fingertips--it is a heady feeling of freedom! Here in Fukushima, however, things are big enough and spread out enough that it is impossible for me to get some places without a car or extensive walking.

Up to a few days ago, I've been content exploring running paths, areas around the train station, etc., but recent excursions out and about to hand out English school flyers have brought Cindy and I to altogether new places that we sometimes meant to find and other times were not so intentional about finding... :) A sometimes fun and sometimes frustrating fact about Japanese roads in the countryside is that they were, at times, intentionally made in a confusing way to keep visitors out of the area. I am reminded of that anytime it takes me 40min. to get to a place I could have gotten to in 20min. if a straight road would have been present. :) I'm also reminded of that when I turn a corner, run into a dead-end, and have to retrace my steps...

For example, on Saturday, I went to find a path to hike up Mt. Shinobu, which is a rather small mountain in the middle of Fukushima City. After a good hour of steady walking, backtracking, snooping in parking lots and neighborhoods to find railroad crossings, and scaring others around me by looking like a very lost foreigner, I found...a HUGE library, complete with several outdoor pools, and an art museum. :) Not exactly mountain hiking trails, but still a useful find...

After wandering around the library grounds, I found a way up the mountain and was surprised to see houses and apartment buildings all the way up the side. It seemed like a good opportunity, so I pulled a stack of English school flyers from my bag and made my way up and down...and up and down...and up and down the side of the mountain. Here's a shot from the side of the mountain, as I looked out over the city...and me getting slightly sunburned. :)

Again, not the most successful hiking trip in the world. :) But still good! :)

Today being our day off, Cindy and I headed out to the city to escape our very warm apartment and do some Japanese study and ran into...a children's museum, complete with a library, planetarium, play center, laboratory, art room, recording studio, and small auditorium for concerts! The best part was a section of the fourth floor, where a staff member invited us to look around and enjoy ourselves in the educational activity section. Cindy used the opportunity to practice captaining a boat (never let her steer if you want to stay afloat!!) and putting together a mummy (since that's a very useful skill...?). We also learned the Japanese for certain important body parts. :)

Finally, we couldn't resist a few pictures in the bended mirrors...(we do consume rather shocking amounts of chocolate...but trust me, we don't look this short and slightly chubby in reality. And though we do stick out as being fairly tall here compared to some, we don't have quite as long of legs as this pictures shows either...) :)

Good times all around. :) I wonder if next time we head out to find, say, a craft store, we might find a sports center instead...? Or the Indian restaurant that's supposedly lurking in our city...? :) I highly recommend days of exploration on foot...you never know where you'll end up!

Kids in Fukushima

Round and 'round the tables...squealing with laughter...shrieking and spinning away from my menacing posture, but giggling with glee when I swing them into my arms for a hug...'round and 'round...

This is our routine after Cindy's Thursday afternoon kids class. :) Three siblings (a girl, a boy, and the happiest baby I know) and one crazy young boy come together for class and then hang around for a time of laughter and play, and together we make more noise than that church building has probably heard in awhile! :)

Yesterday was our first family Bible study offered Thursday evenings, and we were surprised when both mothers and all four kids returned to the church for it! Cindy took the kids in the back for a Japanese-English version of Sunday school, while I had the adults and baby in the more formal classroom setting. We have decided to study the same Bible story each night, and we started with creation and "My God Is So Great" (with funny actions, of course!).

There are no kids at both churches where I work here, and we have been praying especially for the kids and families in both of the cities of Fukushima and Koriyama. There are plenty of young families in these areas, but there haven't really been many opportunities for them at the churches recently. It's such a blessing to have the kids and their mothers studying and learning together!

More later on that...

On a completely separate topic, thank you for prayers for the surgery of our pastor's wife. Sensei left the church on Tuesday afternoon saying, "It sounds like the situation has gotten more complicated and difficult..." but Thursday morning he announced happily that the surgery had gone well. The doctors removed three spots from her lungs--one of which was cancerous, but the removal was so complete that she doesn't even need chemo or anything as it stands right now! We are rejoicing in the news...

Off to another class! :) Blessings of joy to you all...