Surely a strange Savior...

I confess that every time I go to Sunday worship, I find myself re-evaluating faith, life, and God's plan for humanity. Maybe it's the liturgy in another language (yes, I know I've talked too much about that in prior posts...), maybe it's the obvious discomfort of those around me...maybe it's the sermon that I struggle understanding...maybe it's the fights and rules and church politics and seemingly obligatory relationships that we somehow have to call "family" relationships because of that one Bible passage about the body of Christ...yeah.

And as I sit here, it dawns on me that there are so many more things about life that make me question everything. So many things that seem illogical, inefficient, painful even...why does God deal with me? Where is He going? What's happening...? Fights with Cindy, questions from Eric, poorly-meshed classes and students, conversations with my pastor about the politics that force him to work for numerical goals instead of spiritual ones....

And then there's the Bible passage from this morning: "Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen."

Why does God DO that? a part of my heart asks. When I know my God is all-powerful, everlasting, ever-present--indeed, eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God--when I know that He is a God of miracles and salvation, a God with whom all is possible and nothing is impossible, I have to wonder why He uses us. Don't give me the textbook answer--trust me, I know the textbook answer (it's in the passage above)!! This is just an awe-filled heart-cry, to which textbook answers are unhelpful. :)

I don't know how it all comes together in this time and place. Where will I be in two years? What state will Fukushima church be in? What will my relationships look like? Who will be blessed, and how? Yes, I have no idea why and how God uses me. But I know the end of the story, for me, finally, is eternity with my Father-God. Is that just a selfish truth to cling to?

A measure of peace comes through knowing that my Father-God has a knack for strange methods of salvation. I was just listening to "A Strange Way to Save the World" by 4Him, and it was a good reminder that even Jesus' life was just plain...weird. So maybe it's time to take the focus off of my own inabilities, inconsistencies, and lack of knowledge...and put it on my very strange Savior, whose methods make no sense in my mind, but who I know imparts salvation.

Yes, He can do anything--all things are possible. I know that because He offers me salvation. And that's the answer for all of my big-picture planning and small-picture details and confused questions. So there. :)