Stretched

I'm often given the job of asking an "icebreaker question" at the beginning of our weekly Japanese Bible study, and I generally try to ask something that will lead people to share life stories or recent events or thoughts about God's recent acts. Yesterday, however, I fished about mentally for a question that would lead to discussions of the people in our lives we can share the Gospel with.

(Short mental aside: I really have been trained as a DCO, and Phil Johnson's words, "A DCO is an advocate for those not in the church yet" have stuck in my mind. Trying to figure out what such an advocate does as a foreigner in Japan has been the search of four years or more of my life. Sigh. Call me a slow learner. Some days I'm still quite at my wits' end.)

Finally, the question that came out was something like, "Let's share stories of a recent new relationship we've made or discovered, or a connection with another person. It doesn't have to be a deep connection, but just time together with a new person."

As an example, I shared about some recent conversations I've had with a girl about my age who works at a fabric and hobby shop. After I visited the shop several times we began to share stories of sewing projects, and our conversations have been the highlights of my last several weeks.

I ended my story with a chuckle at my memory of the conversations, but the chuckle quickly died as I looked at the faces around me. Maybe...I should have thought twice before asking this question? Sure enough, one by one, around the table, the stories sounded the same: "I don't have any new relationships."

As we stopped chatting and started the Bible reading for the day, my eyes were filled with tears, and I must have looked very focused on trying to read the kanji. Part of my tears, I confess, were tears of pure jealousy. I wanted to say strongly, "Do you know how many new relationships I get each week? You guys can stay with your families...can hang out with friends you know...you don't have the need to find new people, because you're comfortable, but it's my JOB to stay uncomfortable, to reach out, to be constantly thinking of the new people around me. It's my job to evaluate and get to know and care for each new student, each church visitor. In the last week I've neglected family emails, missed sending birthday wishes, haven't helped my brother move into his new apartment, and more...because I've been busy caring for the new people..."

By the time I'd stumbled through the kanji and engaged in this mental rant, I was a bit more in my right mind. Yeah, it was a bad question for people who'd lived 2/3rds of their lives in the same community. I shouldn't have moved them cold-turkey into the sphere of new relationships. And I should realize that my life will always probably be a bit incomprehensible...and that's not anyone's fault.

But the goal of my question remains a question: How do I encourage the Christians around me and myself to see faces and God's creations in the people around them?

It is a sacrifice to lay down comfortable relationships and pick up the new. A part of me often feels like quoting Bilbo from Lord of the Rings, "I feel thin...stretched...like butter spread over too much bread."

But...there is also deep joy, watching new people experience with wide eyes and amazement the warmth and forgiveness of the Gospel.