It's all part of the job? And an early New Year's goal...

Tonight marked an auspicious date in my life. No, not Christmas Eve, although tonight was the first of two...

Tonight, I was officially the church organist. Officially--as in, I got my music Tuesday, practiced Wednesday and today, and played tonight. I didn't even allow myself to play off the guitar chords, and instead I worked out fingerings for scales of notes that I used to know how to play correctly long ago and somehow forgot when I picked up guitar and contemporary music...

The whole thing brings back memories...mostly of my mother, who used to drink pepto-bismal when she was requested to play the organ at church.

Am I just another generation, preparing to do the same thing? Tonight's job was just several carols on an old pump organ that has keys splitting from years of Japan's humidity and frigidity--hardly a high-quality instrument, and definitely not a musical performance to brag about. But what about next year, which is right around the corner? There's already been talk of a worship committee, a music-planning group, a rotation of organ players that includes my name...

I'm not an organist. Not only am I not an organist, but the people here are not music majors who enjoy singing high "E's" and who can keep track of how many beats are in a measure. Why must I practice an instrument that I can't play to worship God in this fellowship of believers? (Note: I didn't say, 'Why is the organ used in worship?' I like an organ--when it's played by someone who enjoys playing it--someone who can worship with it...).

I'm stopping, I'm stopping...sigh. I know that I harp on this all the time, but the experience behind the questions glares me in the face every single Sunday. And every time I sit down to play an organ.

Cindy adds that it not only glares me in the face, but it stings our ears.

The end. I promise I'll be more Christmas-y tomorrow. :)

*******Days later :)********

Okay, so I'm going to add an amendment now and say that I've been thinking of the blog (above) on and off ever since writing it. Why do I get so frustrated over these questions? The answer that seems to ring true at the moment is that I wonder about what I'm communicating when I play the organ, what we communicate as a church in worship, what believers and those who don't believe yet hear or think or feel during the worship time.

Anyway, I was convicted that I should stop complaining about my questions and do something productive with them--like seek for answers. Over the last year or so, I've thought about studying communication more in-depth. Some of my motivation for this stems from trying to navigate Japanese culture and American culture, and some stems from trying to navigate church culture, religion, theology, and faith.

Maybe this is a New Year's goal coming a little early. :) However, I really do want to learn more about communication--so that instead of pounding out blogs with a growling undertone, I can pinpoint concrete problems and offer concrete solutions to gaps in communication that I feel around me but as of yet don't quite know how to express.