So, the last week hasn't been the most upbeat or cheerful week I've ever experienced. Eric left, I caught a cold that just made me feel miserable and whiny, and then I received an email from my mom sharing that a close friend--an "adopted grandma"--had passed away. Sigh. Then there were the moments when I felt like I was hurting people I loved, moments when discussions about church relations and work left my shoulders and heart sagging in defeat, and moments when the walls between myself and other church members felt at least 20 feet thick...
Double sigh.
Everything finally exploded inside of me today. First things were brought to a head in an icebreaker question at Bible study this morning. It was my job to ask the icebreaker question, and so I side-stepped the normal questions about nature and asked everyone for a good family memory. Hands down, around the table, almost everyone said the same thing: "For Japanese people, there really aren't very many good family memories...there's just not a lot of time when families are together..."
And that was it. In Japanese, there is a word for this: shoganai. Translation: it can't be helped (insert shrug of shoulders and a small bow).
First of all, never--let me repeat NEVER--do I want this to be an answer regarding any family I declare myself to be a part of. It can be helped, in my opinion. So there (insert stomp of foot that should be taken very seriously, even in its childishness). Second, before you think I'm just ranting about Japanese culture, let me continue.
The other thing that influenced me to type a ranting blog post today was an update on international theological discussions that have been taking place. Almost everything about these discussions disgust (can I use that strong of a word?!) me--on both sides. Power-plays. Name-calling. Judgments. Pity-parties. Adherence to rules simply because they are rules. Truth set aside for the "higher calling" of keeping status in the Christian community. Innocents accused. Families left unprotected. Compassion set aside.
Anyway, in the midst of this day of ranting, the Bible study tonight was the story of Jacob stealing Esau's blessing from Isaac. Talk about mixed-up families and good spiritual motives...yeah. The women, Sensei, and I all tracked Jacob and Esau's personalities through several chapters of Genesis. What we found was not so encouraging--the God of Abraham and Isaac seemed to have no good choices when it came to Isaac's sons! One was a strong fighter who did not care for God's promises, and the other was a quiet schemer who was out for all the power he could get.
Finally, near the end of the Bible study, one of the ladies leaned over and asked Sensei, "I always thought that the Bible was about the right and wrong way to live. But these are all stories...are they stories about what we shouldn't be doing?"
I had to smile at Sensei's answer--a perfect response to a day of internal and external ranting. He explained that the Bible portrays historical stories and so more than good or bad, they are real. And because the stories are real, they depict real sins, real sinful people...and a real Savior.
Some days, it just feels like there is a lot of darkness...because it's true. I see it around me and recognize it inside of me. Thank God that He's promised not to leave us this way--and has proven that His promises are trustworthy!
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